FARRAH
the one with the good hair
STATUS
Single. Fixed. Indoors. Does not roam.
“I was born with it.”
Her Bio
Location
Texas. Max’s house. The good chair.
Sign
She does not recognize astrology. She recognizes hierarchy.
Job
Sitting in sunlight. Being observed. Occasionally knocking things off counters for reasons she will not explain.
Favorite food
Whatever Max is not giving her.
Fav cuss word
She is above language. She has a look.
Favorite flower
She ate one once. Did not enjoy it.
Pet peeve
Being touched when she did not initiate it.
Affirmation
“I was already calm. That was never the issue.”
She would never
Come when called. She heard you. She assessed the situation. She decided no.
She would absolutely
Sit on Max’s chest at 3am during an anxiety spiral and purr until it stopped.
Her Story
Farrah was Jane’s (Max’s therapist,) idea. Max came to therapy talking about the noise in her head, and Jane said almost nothing for forty five minutes and then wrote one thing on the notepad and turned it around.
It said: “Get a cat.”
Max was skeptical. The cat was not. Farrah moved in, assessed the entire house in twenty minutes, selected the best chair, and has not moved from it unless she decided to. She does not cuddle on demand. She does not perform. She shows up at exactly the right moment, sits on Max’s chest, and purrs at a frequency that apparently resets the nervous system.
Farrah has really good hair, and that is their bond. Max brushes it daily, and this keeps her calm. Farrah enjoys it, so it’s a win-win. If Max could take her with her to the blowout bar to get a blowout, she would. Farah knows she has good hair. She also knows she rules the house. Max’s kids know Farrah is HER cat.
A Random Fact
She is named after Farrah Fawcett because of her hair. Damn, she has good hair.
Her Connections
Max — Her person. Farrah did not choose this.
Jane — The one who suggested her. Farrah respects this. She has never met Jane.
Her Search History This Week
She is a cat. She cannot use a keyboard. She does not have thumbs. But if she did, she would have searched:
optimal sunlight hours per window by room is anxiety contagious and if so how do I opt out how long can a cat stare at someone before it becomes a problem blowout maintenance for long haired cats who were simply born this way
Last Text Sent
Cats don’t text.
Can You Relate to FARRAH?
If you have ever walked into a room, assessed everyone in it, and decided you were the most put-together person there, Farrah is your spirit animal.