I Was On Mute Again. I Know. I KNOW.
I would like to state for the record that I understand how the mute button works. I have understood it since approximately March of 2020 when the entire world collectively learned we would be doing this forever now. I know where it is. I can locate it. Zoom has had this feature since the beginning of time. The feature is not the problem.
After five years of remote work and approximately 350,000 Zoom calls have taught me: there is a mute button.
The Five Stages of Being On Mute
Stage 1 — Confidence: You have a point. You make the point. You feel great about the point.
Stage 2 — Confusion: No one is responding. There is a pause that feels slightly too long. Someone blinks at the camera.
Stage 3 — Dawning Horror: You look down. The little microphone icon has a line through it. It has had a line through it for a while.
Stage 4 — The Recovery: You unmute. You say “sorry, I was on mute.” You attempt to recreate the point. It is never as good the second time. It is a pale ghost of the original point.
Stage 5 — Craig: Craig says “no worries, happens to everyone.” Craig has never once been on mute by accident. You know this. He knows this.
Tips I Have Tried (Results: Mixed)
I have tried setting a phone reminder that says CHECK MUTE before every call. I now dismiss this reminder automatically without reading it.
I have tried a sticky note on my monitor. The sticky note fell behind the desk in January. I saw it last week. I left it there.
I tried starting every meeting by announcing loudly “I am NOT on mute, everyone.”
I tried just accepting that this is who I am now. A woman who speaks eloquently into silence until someone says Jane, “you’re on mute again.”
For the Jane in Your Life
If you know a Jane — and you do, we all know a Jane, we may IN FACT be a Jane — she needs recognition for her suffering. She needs art on her wall that says I see you, and your mute button struggle is valid.
That is exactly what Boonies Besties is for. Illustrated by the wonderfully perceptive Tara Boone, these prints are hilariously accurate snapshots of real women living real, relatable lives — and they make the absolute best girlfriend gifts, best friend birthday presents, and office gifts for the woman who has been muted one too many times.
You can even get a Custom Bestie made — a personalized illustration of your actual Jane, with her actual camera-too-close-to-the-face Zoom energy. Meet the whole cast here — I promise you’ll find yourself in there somewhere.
-Jane W.